Big Girls Do Cry.

i have been trying to think of things to tell all of you for a couple of weeks now, and although many things are happening here, I couldn't think of anything mind blowing or something deep and profound that is going to make you want to go out and save the world, just real feelings that i've experienced lately...so let me start by saying that it has been a busy, busy month here, with spring break groups coming in, school still going strong, late night sleepovers, and being the proud owner of a new puppy, needless to say... this girl is exhausted. but a happy exhausted. the spring break groups were great again this year. it always ends up being one of my very favorite times of the year here in the DR. Tennessee Tech came in and did amazing work their week, but then came the week that I had been waiting for, for far too long; Freed-Hardeman came and when I say Freed-Hardeman, I mean my people. my Sigma Rho, people. I can't explain how awesome that group was or how much they fed my soul. and even though it fell on our Spring Break here at Manna Christian School, so technically we didn't get a "break", I wouldn't change one single thing about it. you know when you are around people who just get you and bring out the weirdest parts about you, but it's totes normal, that's Sigma Rho and my girls. and they bring out some weird parts, let me say. frankly, i'm not sure how i have friends. anyways, i was emotionally overwhelmed that entire week by having some of my very best friends in this world meet people I have been waiting for them to meet and really get to know. and just finally getting to watch the most beautiful parts of their hearts shine through to these kids, now that's God. you can probably guess how much of a basket case I was that week. there would be times where I could not stop laughing, and then there would be times when I couldn't stop crying, both being because my heart was too full. it was too happy. So thank you, Sigma Rho, you are beautiful. Thank you to some of my very best friends, you are beyond beautiful. you made this girl and my soul so full. 

now. i know that I am always writing about things that are just peachy here. people think life here is so easy and great, and while it is great (most of the time), it is not easy. have i told you we have a high school? with real children? and five teachers at the moment? junk is REAL. life can be the biggest punk here, and Satan can make you want to spank him and tell him he needs a good mama and a lot of Jesus. But instead of spanking, we have breakdowns. And today I had a minor one. minor. some days i am here and all like (cue the hippy with dreads voice)"heck yeah, i live out here in the middle of nowhere, trying to be radical for God, living with weird skin issues i am catching from small dominican and haitian children n.b.d.... and life is totally awesome." and then i have days like today, where i sit in front of my computer (for hours) and cry (and Fergie is a liar, because this big girl crys, a lot.) because i miss home. i miss you. i miss laughing with my favorite people in this world. i miss kissing my mama and daddy. i miss celebrating important birthdays. i miss phone calls that last for hours. i miss sigma rho and seeing them win makin' music (#18 baby!!) so i sit and i sulk and i send too many facebook messages because my feelings are beyond mushy at this point. and i guarantee all my best friends in the states are like "oh crap, keely has taken another turn down to sappyville and gotten too emotional for this monday and me. (and to those of you who receive those messages, i am sorry, but not really that sorry.)  and lots of thoughts run through my head like (cue the 3 year old whiny girl). "what the heck am i doing here?" "i want to get in my car and drive and see the people i love most (except 3 year olds don't drive, so that's confusing)" "I WANT WENDY'S! AND FRENCH FRIES! NOW!" (that's bigggg gurl, keely, you know just biggggggg). and i walk down Bobita road and laugh while in the middle of crying, thinking of things that happened in college or Greenfield, and so desperately wish i could go back, wish i could live it all over again. 

But then I realize. Keely. Stop being a little brat, go to your cloth/zip-up closet, find the biggest big girl panties you have and throw them on... 'cause ain't nobody got time for your whining. So I get home, pick up my new puppy, find my big girl panties, and carry on. And I know God has to think He created one mess of a human being. My emotions are everywhere. And to think someone so big, so big that my mind can't even start to comprehend how big, created me. and He loves me?? Dude is crazy. He loves me when I am on fire for Him and he loves me when I am being dramatic, a little crazy, and emotional all at once. And He even loves me when I call Him, "dude". What an incredible thought. What an incredible God, we serve. What an incredible blessing it is to live here in the DR. What an incredible blessing it was to be born in the United States, where we are free to come and go whenever we please, say whatever we want, and worship an awesome God without being punished. The States are cool, y'all. But God is wayyyyy cooler. so thankful for my life here in the DR and thankful for all the memories and laughter that filled my mind and heart today, even if it was during my sulking.

so days like today, when i almost lose my mind and my manners, make me realize everything is going to be just fine. Kee, just go put on your big girl panties and thank God for all he has blessed you with.  so thankful for my life here in the DR and thankful for all the memories and laughter that filled my mind and heart today and days to come, even if it was and will be during my sulking and my future sulkings.and i can wait to be home, but i'm glad i don't have to wait much longer. i'll be surrounding myself with my favorites and wrapping my arms around y'all in May. 




Brickie (my dominican girls named her) and I had a good photo sesh today.

hi. 

baby girl is all like "heeeeeeeeey." or maybe that's me.

 Brickie, camera is over here baby.

dang lil mama.